Not My Favorite Things

Things to NOT be thankful for:
1) Fashion trends
a. cold shoulder style–an excuse for manufacturers to reduce fabric costs while maintaining retail prices–see also slits in sleeves and flutter sleeves
b. hi-lo hemlines–who wants to look at the unfinished inside of your skirt?
c. “stretch” in every single garment–Talbots I’m looking at you.
d.asymmetrical hemlines on tops, especially fat-lady tops.
e. ruffles on everything, everywhere
2) Food trends
a. mixing bacon with maple, or anything sweet
b. elderflower anything
c. celery in stuffing–OK not a trend, but an abomination nonetheless.You want celery? Serve it on a relish tray.
d. calling any concoction poured into a V-shaped stemmed glass a “martini”; sorry but creme de cacao mixed with Bosco and vanilla vodka is an ill-conceived dessert, not an adult beverage, let alone a martini.
3) Entertainment trends
a. farewell tours-Paul Simon, Joan Baez, Elton John, Ozzie Osbourne; most of these geriatrics have been retired for years; they just appear not to know it.
b. holograms; let the dead rest in peace.
c. any female performer with a visible tattoo
d. converting cartoons into musicals; aren’t we infantile enough as a society?
Things to be thankful for:
Fashion: black turtlenecks; black anything to be truthful
Food: Thick-cut bacon
Entertainment: Leonard Bernstein’s Divertimento, for orchestra.

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