Where are the OTHER Kardashian Sisters?


Miss has too much time on her hands. What with semester break keeping things quiet on campus, news of meth-peddling faculty, embezzling college presidents, and grievance-filing students is pretty hard to come by. So, until the higher ed hijinks resume in February or so (one whole month before spring break: academic schedules are grueling), I thought I would struggle with the question on everyone’s mind this time of year.

Why don’t all of the Kardashian sisters appear in the family’s annual Kristmas portrait?

It’s easy enough to explain Khokaine Kardashian’s absence. Rehab. But where is lingerie model Khamisole Kardashian? And used-car saleswoman Kabriolet Kardashian?

Khamisole. One Kardashian is enough.

Every family has its black sheep, unwelcome at reunions and other gatherings of the clan, so perhaps that explains why Linda Jenner gives twins Khlamydia and Koprolith Kardashian the wrong address for the photographer’s studio. Bird-brained Khormorant Kardashian doesn’t need faulty directions to lose her way. It comes naturally to her.

Linda thinks Khormorant’s unique sense of style doesn’t fit the Kardashian brand.

I did learn that Kaballine and Kaprine Kardashian prefer to kick up their holiday heels in the country, and retire to the family farm for the season. Understandably shy Karbuncle Kardashian usually joins them.

Sisterly togetherness at the Kardashian family farm.

And ever since Khosher Kardashian converted, she refuses to have anything to do with the Kristmas card.

Khosher Kardashian sends her own holiday greetings.

So there you have it. My Christmas gift to you: more Kardashians. Just what you were hoping for, I know.

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