Professor John Michael Bailey States His Position

For those of you who have been following the breaking news out of Chicago about the professor who mistook his classroom for a brothel, I commend to you his cri de coeur. Northwestern University Professor John Michael Bailey has issued a “statement” about the optional after-class activities he offers to students in his psychology class on human sexuality. In the self-aggrandizing style unique to the self-absorbed academic, the “statement” begins:

I teach a large (nearly 600 person) human sexuality class at Northwestern University. During the class I lecture about the science of sexuality. Many days after class I organize optional events. These events primarily comprise speakers addressing aspects of sexuality. This year, for example, we have had a panel of gay men speaking about their sex lives, a transsexual performer, two convicted sex offenders, an expert in female sexual health and sexual pleasure, a plastic surgeon, a swinging couple, and the February 21 panel by Ken Melvoin-Berg on “networking for kinky people.” These events are entirely optional, they are not covered on exams, and I arrange them at considerable investment of my time, for which I receive no compensation from Northwestern University.

Professor Bailey reads his statement. He is speaking into a microphone. I think.

Before parsing Professor Bailey’s statement, let’s review the description of his course, offered in Northwestern’s School of Continuing Studies:

Human Sexuality
This course treats human sexuality as a subject for scientific inquiry. Major topics include the evolution of human mating psychology (including physical attraction, sexual arousal, evolved sexual strategies, and sexual jealousy), sexual minorities (e.g., homosexuality), sexual coercion, and AIDS. Carries science or social science credit.

Such courses are offered on many campuses; most of them do not include sex offenders as examples of “sexual diversity” equivalent to all women and gay men. At least I hope they don’t.

Back to the first paragraph of the “statement.” Its most revealing sentence is the final one. It tells you all you need to know about Professor Bailey: “I arrange [the after-class presentations] at considerable investment of my time, for which I receive no compensation from Northwestern University.” The good professor wants us all to know that his employer does not compensate him for his extra-curricular modules. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he received hourly wages instead of a salary. But you do know better, so you are instead wondering who does compensate him for arranging “these events,” since his locution strongly suggests somebody is.

Bailey next explains why he “recruited” the couple who performed a sex act in front of his students. It seems in prior years “speakers covering similar topics had not been very interesting.” Imagine. Instead of whipping out their genitalia, these speakers had the bad taste “to merely [give] PowerPoint presentations.” These pedants “were also unwilling to answer questions about their sex lives.” The nerve of them! Thinking that they were addressing students in a classroom instead of talking to clients on 1.900.SEX-TALK!

Oh no! Not the donkey again! B-O-R-I-N-G! Why can't we ever see anything interesting, like a PowerPoint presentation?

Professor Bailey concludes this section of his apologia by delivering his homily: “Sexuality diversity is surely a reasonable thing to address in a human sexuality class.” A little defensive are we, Professor? By the end of the “statement,” defensiveness has given way to the feeblest of excuses in the academic’s very large warehouse of tools for avoiding taking any kind of responsibility for lapses in judgment (or sanity): “Thoughtful discussion of controversial topics is a cornerstone of learning,” he says primly. Yeah. “Thoughtful discussion,” “controversial topic” and most of all “learning” are exactly what come to mind as we gather ‘round to watch a woman masturbated by a “finance” old enough to be her father.

8 thoughts on “Professor John Michael Bailey States His Position

  1. All the trouble, all the effort, all the caring and it was all just for the children. Think of all the golden memories this learning experience has created. Imagine all those shy, some what socially inept young engineers sitting in their lonely dorm rooms with their cell phones…………………..

  2. And also, think about the “considerable investment” Professor Bailey makes to secure the class participation of his experts, many of whom I do suppose charge if not by the hour then at least by the service rendered. I would imagine a dedicated professor such as Bailey probably takes it upon himself to engage in field testing for the purposes of quality control.

    • “It’s very important that you know that I derive absolutely no personal enjoyment, whatsoever, from my unceasing efforts to locate the richest, most meaningful experiences for my students. It’s only through these Herculean sacrifices on my part that my students are able to explore the really moist and glistening aspects of sexual diversity. So anyone who thinks that any of my work has resulted in any personal pleasure or gratification other than the satisfaction of a job well and truely done is sadly mistaken”

      John “Plunger” Bailey, Phd

  3. “I really think that you need to take this matter a lot more seriously. My class is for serious students who are serious about sexual diversity issues. I,myself, am very serious about preparing seriously stimulating class materials. I’ll have you know I spent the better part of three days last week learning rudimentary spanish sign language so I could better understand the nuances of Mexican Dominatrix Senora Gomez and her deaf mute boy love slaves. I can assure you that their presentation will thoroughly explore the tactile demensions of love, respect and obedience and will stimulate far more than the cerebral cortex. I will have DVD study aids of their entire presentation available for students who miss this fasinating lecture at the reduced student rate of $19.95.”

    John “plunger” Bailey Phd

  4. Miss: You should have told your faithful readers that this is the very same John Michael Bailey who authored the seminal work “The Man Who Would Be Queen” and caused an uproar in the transgendered community large enough that he had to step down as chairman of the psychology dept.! This surely must rate as one of the greatest book titles of all time. Surely it’s only a matter of time before Yale Univ. and its sophisticated attitudes beckon the good doctor and tail blazing, er trail blazing research.

  5. Pingback: Hey, look Ma! My Professor had something in his pocket and he was REALLY glad to see me! « Call Me "Miss"!

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