Al and Tipper Call it Quits: Single Ladies Clear Your Calendars!


Calling Maureen Dowd! Calling Maureen Dowd! A new age-appropriate man is on the meet ‘n mingle scene. No, I am not talking about the dreamy Karl Rove, who not too long ago divorced his wife. Nor the new-to-the-secondary-market heartthrob SC Governor Mark Sanford. Rumor has it he’s already spoken for, and by an insultingly younger woman, no less. No, I mean the double dreamy Al Gore. Today Al and Tipper, some forty years wed, have announced, via email, their separation.

As a single person it always perplexes me when old marrieds call it quits. Perhaps because I do not understand the marital relationship in the first place, it’s even harder for me to apprehend why couples who literally have seen each other’s dirty underwear, maybe even sniffed it too, would bother with the chaos divorce brings to their private lives and the lives of the people who love them. Ah well, not mine to wonder why.

What I do wonder is how Al will fill out his Match.com and eHarmony.com profiles. Well, actually, first I wonder what he won’t put there. Will he shave off a few years to appeal to, ahem, a broader demographic? Will he shave off a few pounds to attract more buff hotties? Will he discard recent photos posting instead those of his senatorial days to back up his claims? I can’t wait to find out.

Where is she? Where IS Miss Right?

Or maybe he’ll try a different dating site, perhaps PlanetEarthSingles.com, which is

Created by environmentalists, for environmentalists! This is a singles dating site designed for environmentally conscious, “green singles” to meet. It is much easier to be in a relationship with someone who recycles, conserves fuel and generally lives a “green lifestyle” that is mindful of our limited resources. Our members tend to be “conscious” in general and value a holistic, healthy lifestyle, buying locally grown, organic food (many are vegetarians and vegans), gardening, spiritual growth, conservation, sustainability, alternative power and doing what they can to help “cool the planet”. Our goal is to provide you with a conducive environment where you can meet like-minded / like-hearted people and, ideally, meet that ONE, special someone to share your life with!

Should Al decide to enter the green scene, he’ll be able to search national and international data bases. That international info will come in handy as he jets from one global hot spot to another. But suppose he meets that someone special? Will he then have yet another moral dilemma to struggle with: What if sparks fly? What if unbridled passions ignite a flame that refuses to be extinguished? What if the friction of two bodies joined in urgent congress heats up to the point that all thoughts of off-setting carbons fly out the window? All that steamy romance can’t possibly be good for a rapidly warming planet.

Hey, Al: Check out that can!

It’s too much to ask, I think, to expect Al to fly solo for the rest of his life just in order to prevent climate change. Especially when PlanetEarthSingles.com promises he can meet recycling women who are “’conscious.’” (And people tell me my standards are too high!)

If I were Al, I’d forget about the dating sites and remain true to the planet-lover’s creed: reduce, reuse, recycle. Think, Al. Think about your past. Miss Right is there, waiting patiently. Go on. Do it. Give Ali McGraw a call.

Where do I begin?

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17 thoughts on “Al and Tipper Call it Quits: Single Ladies Clear Your Calendars!

    • Alas, she is taken but deserves better than she has. I am not sure AG would be an improvement. Encourage your friends to vote in the poll. Al needs all the help he can get.

  1. Miss
    I think your wrong. I think Al and Hill have had “feelings” for each other for years. I voted for Maureen in your poll, but really Al and Hill would be like, well, Tracey and Hepburn or Godzilla and Mothra, or Hitler and Mussolini or Sigfried and Roy! Yeah, that’s the ticket

    • I think it was Vince Foster Hillary had eyes for. Or maybe it was Madeleine Albright. I get mixed up sometimes.

      • Well, I’ve got to acknowledge your point. Vince and Madeleine were both pretty hot. Of course Madeleine has maintained a somewhat diminished hotness, but this whole dead thing with Vince has really hurt him with the dating scene

  2. Curtesey of the Washington Post we learn an inconvenient truth. The Al and Tipper love fest was destroyed by the loathsome George W. Bush! Don’t be surprised when Tipper tearfully reports being assaulted and Bush doesn’t have Rove handy with an alibi.

    • Well I am reserving judgment on this rumor until I have a better source than The Globe, and I don’t mean that rag in Boston. However, if the reports are true then I will simply change the illustrations and suggest Al sign up with “Little Green Men” to meet his match.

  3. “Crazed Sex Poodle” Crazed sex poodle? Crazed sex poodle! This is the best headline/caption I’ve seen in a long time. A 54 year old masseuse! A generational appropriate potential squeeze/victim! Way to go big guy. And I do mean big!

  4. Pingback: Things are Heating Up! Al’s Got a Gal Pal! | Call Me "Miss"!

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