Call Me "Miss"!

“Where Are They Now?” will feature occasional updates on the individuals and institutions that have appeared in a Call Me “Miss”!  post.

Inequality of the Sexes

If you’re a woman, and you’re into ripping off your husband’s employer, you can do no better than to head to Poughkeepsie, where justice has been served to both partners in the mom-pop crime wave that embezzled a cool $2.5 million from bastion of transparency and accountability Vassar College. From the January 20, 2012 Poughkeepsie Journal:

Arthur Fisher, 45, of Ossining, Westchester County, was sentenced twice in the past week, first in Dutchess County Court for the thefts from the college and then on weapons charges stemming from illegal guns seized from his home April 1, 2011, when he was arrested for the thefts.

Fisher received a four-to-twelve year sentence for stealing, which he accomplished through phony companies that billed Vassar, and another five years for harboring illegal weapons.

Dutchess County Court Judge Peter M. Forman then went on to sentence Mrs. Fisher to “six months in jail and five years’ probation. She was ordered to pay back $1.9 million she took part in stealing.”

Both Fishers have been order to reimburse Vassar and its insurance company. Do you suppose they will ask for receipts?

One must wonder, though, about the huge discrepancy in their sentences. Fisher does four-to-twelve for $2.5 million, while the Mrs. gets but a paltry six months for her $1.9 million part in the crime. Will Vassar coeds take up Jennifer Fisher’s cause? Equal time for an equal crime? Let’s wait and see!

Practical Ethics

From The Middlebury Campus,The Student Weekly of Middlebury College:

Effective Dec. 31, 2011, Kateri Carmola will resign from her position as Associate Professor of Political Philosophy at the College, and continue as a visiting research scholar on leave through June 30, 2013.

On July 11, Carmola pled “no contest” in the Addison County District Court to charges that she embezzled $4,500 from the Salisbury Historical Society. She served as the organization’s treasurer.

In a statement sent to the Campus, Carmola explained her resignation as a result of the events of the past year.

Though both she and the Salisbury Historical Society maintain there was no criminal intent in her actions, in which she temporarily used the historical society’s money for professional — and reimbursable — travel expenses, she decided not to allow her case to go to trial.

“I did not want to cause further embarrassment to my family, or to the College, by pursuing the matter in court,” she wrote.

Carmola was offered an “18-month deferred sentence” and community service, after which — pending no further offenses — she can have her record expunged.

And after June 30, 2013, she’ll be expunged from Middlebury’s payroll.

Not a Bad Payday, After All

Sister Marie Thornton, late of Iona College (alma mater of songster Don McLean), was sentenced November 8, 2011–according to the Chronicle of Higher Education–to 2000 hours of community service. Last year she pleaded guilty to embezzling $800,000 from the College. With her community-service work schedule, it all works out to approximately $400 per hour. Who says crime doesn’t pay?

Who’s Got The Cojones Now, Professor Larkin?

Back in April, UNH Professor of German Edward Larkin declared victory over the university system that sought to remove him from the classroom upon his misdemeanor conviction for exposing himself to a woman and her daughter. Not so fast, said the union to the administration, and the arbitrator agreed, citing the morals clause in the faculty contract, which clearly stated that in order to be fired, a professor’s moral lapse must be of a “grave” order. Larkin’s impromptu parking lot show-and-tell was apparently not grave enough.

However, according to the Chronicle of Higher Education:

The University of New Hampshire announced on [September 20] that it will not let a professor who exposed himself to a mother and her daughter teach or meet with students upon his return from suspension in the spring. Instead, the statement said, the professor’s duties will be limited, during a three-year probationary period, to carrying out independent scholarly work, assisting with the development of online German courses, and aiding the acting chair of his department with administrative duties.

Let’s just hope the “administrative duties” involve a lot of filing, typing…or anything that keeps Larkin’s hands busy and away from the devil’s playground in his pants, while we try not to think about the fact that Larkin retains his job-for-life, cushy academic schedule without the pressure of preparing for class, and, most importantly, his full professor’s salary for doing a secretary’s job. Nice punishment, if you can get it. Maybe the next time UNH sits down at the bargaining table with faculty it’ll remember this disgraceful episode. But I doubt it.

Professor Kinzey’s Home Free…at Least until November 1

Handsome outlaw Professor Steven Kinzey has directed his lawyer to post bond, so although the faculty-member-cum-meth-dealer (allegedly) is still on the lam, he is no longer a wanted man. You can read the latest in this professor-of-the-year saga in the San Bernardino Press-Enterprise.

Professor Gets Lost in Court House Searching for the Men’s Room

Back in February, the Cal State Northridge campus was awash in controversy, when mathematics Professor Tihomir Petrov, pissed off at a departmental colleague, put his angry words into action by taking a whiz on said colleague’s office door.

Today (June 17, 2011) the LA Times reports that Professor Petrov skipped out an a pre-trial conference and now has a $35,000 bench warrant issued against him.

Arvand Naderi, one of Professor P’s two defense attorneys, said even if convicted, the math whiz would be able to petition the court to wipe his record clean:

“(Petrov) is of course concerned that this might affect future employment,” Naderi said. “We’re hoping his reputation will not be tarnished.”

INDICTED!

Porn star Johnny Reid Edwards aka John Edwards, failed presidential candidate, has been indicted on six federal counts, including conspiracy and making false statements. Now all that’s left to wonder is what the name of his reality show will be when he emerges from Club Fed and whether it will feature a reunion with the loathsome Andrew and Cheryl Young.

Revenge of the Popular Kids: Constance McMillen Today

Some stories cry out for a certain kind of happy ending…like the saga of last spring’s belle of the ball teen lesbian Constance McMillen, who parlayed her lack of popularity amongst her Iowa high school peers into an ACLU-supported lawsuit from which she scored $35K in “damages,” and a guest shot on the Ellen DeGeneres Show. DeGeneres also presented Constance with a generous check to cover the costs of her first year in college.

With an educational nest egg of $65,000, Constance could thumb her nose at her small-minded classmates and head off to college and a fresh start in a welcoming environment.

So which college did Constance choose? With money no object–at least in year one–she had the whole panoply of American higher education spread out before like a midnight buffet.

Well, actually, she’s living at home in an untidy bedroom. Apparently still fixated on the prom, she sports a tiara as daywear. College? Not for Connie. According to “Washington, D.C.’s Gay and Lesbian News Magazine,” Metro Weekly, “McMillen will continue living her life in Fulton, at least till her girlfriend graduates in 2012.”

Amy Bishop

Professor Amy Bishop

Amy Bishop, who brought terror in the form of a 9mm Ruger, sits in a jailhouse in Alabama, awaiting trial for the deaths and injuries she caused in her murderous rampage through the Biology Department at the University of Alabama, Huntsville.  She also also been charged by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts for the shotgun murder of her brother some twenty years ago.  For a gripping update and retrospective of Amy Bishop’s life of crime, you can do no better than to read The Fury by Amy Wallace in the March 2011 issue of Wired Magazine.  Call Me “Miss”! posted three stories about Bishop in February, 2010.  They, too, are worth a second look.