Archive for the 'College Presidents' Category

Leadership in Action: President Farahi Blames His Staff

Not yet 10:00 a.m., and already I have had my laugh of the day. From NJ.com:

While the governing board at Kean University has launched an investigation about false claims on his resume, university president Dawood Farahi has acknowledged for the first time that some mistakes were made.

In a recent interview, Farahi said even though there were some errors listed on past resumes, he was not responsible. Farahi said the inaccuracies, including claims that he had been acting academic dean at Avila College in Missouri and that he published “over 50 technical articles in major publications,” were made by staff members at Kean who helped prepare his resume for routine accreditation reviews at the university in 1994, 2001 and 2008.

Farahi said the claim about the 50 articles probably originated when a Kean employee condensed his resume and misinterpreted the list of titles, some of which were submitted but never published in academic journals. (NJ.com)


One thing I have learned as a lifelong member of the academy–you just can’t trust those pesky staff. They may come and go, turnover likely in the fourteen years or so since the first “inaccuracy” was added to President Farahi’s cv, but their propensity for messing with the boss’s resume just won’t go away.

Such malicious staff apparently even plagued President Farahi at his previous institution, according to the head of Kean’s faculty union, who points to “questionable claims in Farahi’s early resumes.” Far be it for me to side with a union shill, but in this case, I am more than willing to make an exception.

In the end, though, I suppose Farahi’s passing the buck is simply behavior presidential. Our commander-in-chief, after all, sees nothing wrong with heaping blame for the manifold disasters of his presidency on his predecessor. With that example of president leadership, what’s wrong with a university kingpin throwing a few staff to the wolves? It’s not as if they had tenure.

NOTE to readers: For more on doctored resumes in higher ed, see Alexander Kemos.

DUI*: The Karen Pletz Edition of “Where Are They Now?”

*Dying Under Indictment

It isn’t often that a column by Nicolas Kristof gets me thinking; usually his mealy-mouthed half-truths just make me mad. His Thanksgiving column, “Are We Getting Nicer?”, prompted me to return to a question about Call Me Miss that I have been pondering ever since I learned of the death of disgraced ex-college president Karen Pletz.

Devoted readers will recall that Pletz was riding high on the crime wave that swept through higher education last spring, when one embezzlement scheme after another was uncovered on campuses as elite as Vassar and as meat-and-potatoes as Pletz’s Kansas City University of Medicine and Biosciences. Pletz was dismissed when investigators discovered a little matter of $1.4 million she’d apparently diverted for her personal use. In addition to theft on this grand scale, Pletz also stood accused of tax evasion, money laundering, dodgy hiring practices and assorted acts of workplace favoritism. All told, she racked up a 24-count indictment and was to go to trial in March, 2012.

Nevertheless, when news of her death in Fort Lauderdale reached Kansas City, lavish condolences were expressed by those who knew her, including

U.S. Rep. Emanuel Cleaver, former mayor of Kansas City, [who] said Pletz should be remembered as “first of all, a civic leader.”

I confess that my first reaction when I read Rep. Cleaver’s comment was to reflect on its dispiriting honesty.

But then it also made me think about whether, since the alleged embezzler has now met her maker, I should remove the original post I wrote about her indictment. The abrupt dismissal of a college president generally takes place when there is overwhelming, incontrovertible, compelling and public or soon-to-be-public evidence of wrong-doing on a grand scale. In other words, the smoke generated by a pink slip means there is fire. So, yes, although death cheated Ms. Pletz out of her day in court, in my view there was nothing “alleged” about the crimes for which she was to be tried. But the woman is dead, perhaps by her own hand. Should a snide blog post continue to persecute her, even after the feds and the state drop their charges?

To use Nicholas Kristof’s eloquent language, should Miss be “nice”? And if she is “nice,” and deletes the post, does that mean that other posts will go, once the academic miscreant has served his or her community service?

To me, these are real questions for which I honestly do not have answers. Do you?

Miss, trying to think--but nothing's happening.

OWS, Higher Education and Faculty Rights (Hey, Brother, Can You Spare a Parking Space?)

Breaking news from Columbus, Ohio, where a new “occupy” movement is afoot.

Faculty at Ohio State University (OSU) are steaming because the university’s chief financial officer Geoffrey Chatas, formerly managing director of the Infrastructure Investments Fund at JP Morgan Asset Management, is threatening to bring the money-grubbing tactics of Wall Street to 12th Avenue.

Listen as faculty churn waves of dissent, engulfing the OSU campus in a tsunami of righteous protest, as the 99 percent rise up against The Man. As always, the first wave speaks to time-honored principles of the academy:

One of the more vocal opponents of the plan is Gordon Aubrecht, a professor of physics and president of the American Association of University Professors chapter at Ohio State.

“I think it has to do with the idea of a university as a community,” he said.

Professor Aubrecht’s communitarian rally cry is echoed by fuming emeritus Professor of Physics Bernie Mulligan:

“What we are really doing is selling a part of the university where we will have less ability to control our own environment,” Mulligan said. “We should have had public meetings months ago, not now as catch up.”

Even OSU President Gordon (“I Quit! I Got a Better Job!”) Gee is getting into the act, attempting to calm the waters with rhetoric straight from the script of the OWS playbook:

we must seek fundamentally new ways to fund our core purposes.

But wait a minute. The faculty and the president united in common cause against the CFO? Can it possibly be true? Of course not, silly. Let’s hear more of President Gee’s address to his faculty:

We are currently discussing whether to lease the management of parking on campus for two reasons. One, parking does not, has not, and will never define greatness in a University. And, two, removing parking from the list of our daily tasks could provide a significant, immediate source of revenue that could be used in pursuit of greatness.

What do we want? Parking! When do we want it? NOW!

Parking can be turned into new academic facilities and new academics. Parking can be transformed into a foundation of funding that furthers our mission – today, and into the future.

You got it. Parking. The storm of protest roiling Columbus is all about parking. And wouldn’t you know? Just like OWS, the origins of OOSU lie in North America’s very own heart of darkness—Canada.

Police arrive at the scene of Occupy Aisle 7.

President Gee sheepishly admits delivering a major speech about parking places is not “enobling,” but I think he is selling himself and his speech writers short. Compare the president’s stirring defense of the university’s right to outsource to its rhetorical model:

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, we can not hallow this ground….we here highly resolve that…this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

You will never, ever lose a bet by underestimating academics’ ability to magnify the trivial and trivialize the magnificent. And the next time you are tempted to ascribe idealistic goals and motivations to an “occupy” movement, think about the faculty at Ohio State putting it all on the line for parking.

An OOSU protester maintains academic standards--pipe in one hand, weighty tome in the other--as the people's action for convenient parking enters its fifth week.

Former College President Russell Davis Forges Ahead

From the April 29 update on nj.com:

The recently-resigned president of Gloucester County College Dr. Russell A. Davis has been charged by the Gloucester County Prosecutor’s Office with 11 counts of forgery.

The charges were served on Dr. Davis when he agreed to appear at the GCPO offices today. He was released on his own recognizance.

Ten of the charges accuse Davis, while he was employed by the college, of signing the name of a Gloucester County College official responsible for authorizing the submission of loan applications to the college pension fund. Pension funds allocated to Dr. Davis were, in fact, obtained, according to the prosecutor’s office.

An eleventh count alleges the same signature was forged for a hardship application to withdraw funds from Dr. Davis’ pension account. The acts alleged occurred between Feb. 9, 2010 and March 14, 2011, the prosecutor’s office said.

“There is no allegation that funds belonging to the college were taken and no indication of other criminal wrongdoing,” Bernie Weisenfeld, spokesman for the prosecutor’s office said in a statement. “It should also be noted that the charges filed do not allege any misuse of the college president’s office to obtain pension funds.”

Stop for a moment and ponder Spokesman Weisenfeld’s comments, which you can also read on the Prosecutor’s Office website. To his credit, former President Davis did not engage in forgery to steal from the institution he led. He engaged in forgery to steal from…himself. I can’t decide if this is delicious or pathetic, but I know that somewhere there is a how-many-college-presidents-does-it-take-to-change-a-light-bulb joke just dying to be cracked. I think it would go something like this: How many New Jersey community college presidents does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: None. They need it to be dark so that nobody will see them emptying the college’s coffers.

Diogenes searching for an honest community college president. No light bulb needed.

First Burnham, Now Davis. It’s a Jersey Thing.

Some posts back, I wrote about the financial chicanery of Brookdale Community College’s ex-president Peter Burnham.  Update, from Middletown, New Jersey and the Star-Ledger:

An audit of nearly three years of expense reports found former Brookdale Community College President Peter Burnham repeatedly misled college officials and billed the school for alcohol, personal trips, clothing and other expenses that had nothing to do with his job, campus officials said tonight.

The 91-page audit lists thousands in charges — including a $1,300 trip to Arizona, $109 in golf clothing purchased in Maine and $53 in drinks at a Philadelphia steakhouse — that school officials said should never have been billed to the county college.

In something of an understatement, the chairman of Brookdale’s board of trustees summed up the sordid affair for the Star-Ledger, “Peter Burnham abused his position.”

Of course I had to go to Maine for my golf togs. They do not sell beauties like these in the Garden State.

But if Peter Burnham let 20 years of running his fiefdom at Brookdale go to his head and then to his bank account, he still has a way to go before he catches up with the newly ex-president of Gloucester Community College (Sewell, NJ), Russell Davis.  Like Burnham, Davis has resigned his presidency of a community college in Jersey.  Unlike Burnham, Davis has a distinguished career behind him as a liar, embezzler, cheat, and apparent fugitive from justice.  Unlike Burnham, Davis has been given at least four second chances by boards of trustees who apparently do not understand that their job is protect the institutions they steward from conmen like Davis, not excuse behavior that in any other profession would land the perp in jail rather than the presidential suite of yet another campus.

Davis’s Second Chances

Second Chance #1: Davis improperly took $3,873 in 1993 from another nonprofit organization that he led. No charges filed.

Second Chance #2: A 1998 audit finds that Davis cannot account for $63000 in funds missing from the Bowie State Foundation, of which he was head.  No charges filed.  He resigns.

Second Chance #3 David claimed to hold bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the University of Maryland, College Park, and to have a doctorate. In fact, he insisted upon being called “Dr. Davis” at Bowie State, where he worked and pilfered from 1988 until his resignation in 1998. According to his Gloucester Community College biography, alas no longer available on the college’s web site, Davis earned his undergraduate and master’s from Hampton  University.  His EdD from Morgan State University was awarded in 2005.

Second Chance #4: The Baltimore Sun (1998) reported Davis’s “trail of bounced checks, overdue taxes and loan defaults in his own financial history.” The Sun also cited “officials at the Department of Public Safety and Correctional Services [who]…forwarded a warrant for Davis’ ‘immediate’ arrest in connection with a charge that he failed to return a rental car in 1991.” No arrest appears to have been made, and “Dr.” Davis bounced around the system—that would be the educational and not correctional system—until 2002, when, again, his own bio picks up the story

during a leave of absence from his professional post at Cecil Community College, Dr. Davis joined Morgan State University in Baltimore, Maryland, as a full research scholarship recipient and received the Doctor of Education Degree in Higher Education with a concentration in Community College Leadership in 2005. He also holds the Advanced Certificate in Educational Management from Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Now that he is back on the job market, Dr. Davis is relieved he kept a stack of these handy.

And that just about brings us up to today, where Second Chance #5 appears to be just around the corner, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer:

The president of Gloucester County College resigned as the school turned over records to the county prosecutor involving the former school official’s “alleged financial actions,” officials said Thursday.

Russell Davis had been president of the college since September 2008 and was the sixth person to hold the title. He tendered his resignation to the college’s board of trustees.

County Prosecutor Sean F. Dalton said his office received information about Davis’ financial activities Thursday afternoon and is reviewing it.

“No charges have been filed,” Dalton said.

ADDITIONAL SOURCE: Diverse Issues in Higher Education

Move Over Kateri, There’s a New Queen of Embezzlement in Town…

…and she makes you look like the small-time petty thief that you are.  All you faculty-wannabes out there who aspire to a career in higher education take note. If your career path includes embezzlement, you’d do well to consider the shining example of banker-turned-academic Karen Pletz.

From the March 31 Kansas City Star:

former president of Kansas City University of Medicine and Biosciences president Karen Pletz today was named in a 24-count indictment alleging she embezzled more than $1.5 million from the university, made false statements on her tax returns and engaged in money laundering. 

Not part of the indictment–nor illegal in any way–are the questionable employment opportunities that Pletz made available. Standing tall for women in the workplace, and acting as a one-woman affirmative action employer, Ex-President Pletz hired not only her daughter, who lives in Hoboken, New Jersey, but also the daughter-in-law of her trusted Vice President of Institutional Advancement Douglas Dalzell–you know who that is, don’t you?  The head fundraiser, of course.  The one who apparently directed a staff member at the University to keep the books of his son’s Kansas City restaurants.

Says former-president-soon-to-be-convicted felon Pletz, in the February 7 Star,

“I believe we operated with integrity, and I will stand by that always,” she said. “We don’t give jobs to people who aren’t qualified or aren’t committed or aren’t weighed against other people.”

And I’ll bet her daughter’s qualifications were held up to scrutiny in a nationwide search. The Star story continues:

“It’s a very family-oriented institution,” Karen Pletz said. “Osteopathic medicine has always been about family.”

That would be the Corleone Family.

President Peltz gave this stylish mouse pad as a Christmas gift to the trusted members of her "family."

Soon to follow: the continuing saga of Embezzlement Queen Karen.

A Rogue’s Round-Up: College Presidents Plunge en masse into Hot Water

What a week it has been! So much graft, corruption, and financial chicanery taking place in the hushed halls of academic administration that I hardly know where to begin. One by one piggy presidents have overstayed their welcome at the trough of entitlements that make up their discretionary accounts.

Take, for example, President Allen Sessoms of the University of the District of Columbia, one of those large, diverse public universities Bill Gates finds so troubling. Never mind the UDC is the gateway to a better life for thousands of determined but likely under-prepared survivors of the District’s public schools—Bill Gates thinks it doesn’t do a good enough job. And insofar as the behavior of its CEO goes, on this point I would agree with Gates.

President Sessoms is a travelin’ man, and he likes to travel in style: a $1,443 flight to Boston, a $1,859 flight to California, a $2,229 flight San Antonio, and a $7,952 flight to Cairo. How much do you want to bet he does not donate his frequent flyer miles back to the University?

My university president flew to Cairo first-class and all I got was this commemorative tee-shirt.

And when he travels, he brings along his entourage; according to the Washington, DC Fox affiliate, “A car rental receipt lists an additional charge for a “child seat” for a conference in San Diego. UDC also shelled out thousands for the entire Sessoms family to fly to a conference in Jackson Hole, WY over the Fourth of July weekend.” Tacky, when you consider had the Mrs. stayed home to tend the Sessoms brood she could’ve tooled around the streets of DC in the university-provided Lincoln Navigator or just relaxed in the comfort of her $1.6 million home, also provided by the college.

Says President Sessoms of his high-flying habits: “the receipts used in the story were taken out of context.” Says the university spokesman, in a valiant attempt to explain where Sessoms’ travel funds went: “In instances where there is no receipt or request for reimbursement – or any other explanation – reimbursement was either not requested, or the documentation does not exist for reasons I cannot explain at this time.” This satisfying explanation pretty much speaks for itself.

President Sessoms house, car, and appropriate travel are quite rightly paid for by the university. His excesses are not, and they have occasioned a firestorm of adverse publicity that UDC can ill afford. Way to go, Al!

Sessoms isn’t the first university president to get tripped up by the seeming largesse of his travel budget. Take, for example, the president of Brookdale Community College in New Jersey. Peter F. Burnham was on “administrative leave” when he resigned this week. Meanwhile, Brookdale’s trustees are busily trying to figure out just how much of Burnham’s $680,000 office budget amounted to “significant expenses and reimbursements … [not] directly connected to Brookdale or are contrary to Brookdale’s adopted policies governing travel, mileage and expenses.”

What might those “significant expenses and reimbursements” be, you might well inquire. The Asbury Park Press has the answer: Burnham received

a country club membership, a $1,500 monthly housing allowance and a new vehicle “suitable to his office,” which most recently meant a 2010 Ford Expedition that the college purchased for $42,815.

Country Clubbin' President Burnham takes aim at his discretionary accounts.

Burnham’s contract also allows up to $40,000 annually in college tuition for his two children, for a total of $267,676 to private universities so far.

Not too shabby for the president of a two-year college with a mission to serve the students of Monmouth County. And I think we can all agree that a paid-up country club membership is a great example of “Integrity and Accountability,” the “value” Brookdale espouses on it website:

Brookdale Community College values fairness, openness, and honesty, engaging in continuous self-assessment to sustain excellence and demonstrate accountability.

About that “accountabilty“:

Burnham, a member of the Middle States Commission for Higher Education, attended a conference for the group in Puerto Rico in January. He flew business class at a cost of $1,524.60, but the commission would only pay the cost of coach — $1,229.60. Brookdale was billed for the $295 difference. He also submitted $242 bill for dinner for two at Morton’s Steakhouse….

A quick review of 2009 and 2010 country club expenditures show that the college paid about $25,000 each year for membership and monthly expenses at Navesink Country Club. Records show Burnham spent nearly $7,000 in 2009 and more than $15,000 in 2010 on golf, meals and entertainment for unnamed guests.

I am thinking that Sessoms and Burnham must share a travel agent.

And finally we come to this week’s guilty plea, from former Central Arkansas University President Lu Hardin, also the former–as of this week–president of Palm Beach Atlantic University–on federal charges of wire fraud and money laundering related to a scheme to deceive the school’s board of trustees into giving him nearly $200,000.

President Hardin practices his signature, and many others.

Arkansas Online continues:

Assistant U.S. Attorney Pat Harris said in court that Hardin’s criminal activity began in April 2008 when he forged a letter to the board of trustees suggesting it was legal for a $300,000 deferred compensation package to be paid to Hardin immediately. The letter purported to be signed by UCA officials, including its vice president and chief counsel, but it was actually written by Hardin without their knowledge.

In making his case to the judge, Hardin said he took “full responsibility” for his theft. He hasn’t been sentenced yet, but I for one hope for the best.

Slop talk: Sessoms, Burnham, and Hardin chew the fat while exchanging tips on falsifying receipts.

And, lest you think it’s only male academics who are corrupt, in this week’s bumper crop of miscreants, cast your eye on this excerpt from a March 9 press release from the US Attorney, Southern District of New York:

Marie E. Thornton, the former Vice President of Finance for Iona College, pled guilty today for embezzling more than $850,000 from the college. Thornton pled guilty before U.S. Magistrate Judge Kevin N. Fox.

Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara said: “This is a classic case of the fox guarding the hen house. Marie Thornton was entrusted with the financial well-being of Iona College, but instead, she abused her access to cook the books and line her own pockets.”

From 1999 up to May 2009, Thornton caused more than $850,000 belonging to Iona College to be diverted to her personal use by, among other things, submitting false vendor invoices for reimbursement to Iona College and submitting credit card bills for personal expenses to be paid by Iona College.

The sad coda to this story is that Ms. Thornton is in fact Sister Marie Thornton.

President Hardin and Sister Marie kick up their heels at the Felon's Ball.

Sickening, isn’t it? Especially when you consider that all of these fine examples of academic integrity, save Sister Marie, who presumably answers to a higher authority, were presidents of public universities and as such held the public trust, not to mention its money.

Do I think these sorry excuses for academics are the rule? No, of course not. But I do think that they are poster boys and girls for the slippery slope that college and universities administrators find themselves on when they begin to believe their own publicity. When they begin to believe that students are shareholders and therefore the college’s CEO needs to be “paid what he’s worth” just like the heads of Fortune 500 companies. Little by little, some–a few–presidents begin to think that what they are worth entitles them to those extra perks that after a while add up to 10-to-20 in the federal pen. Sometime between that extra martini at the 19th hole and the time the president lays his tired bones to rest on those 1000-count Egyptian cotton sheets it all goes to his head. My suggestion is that boards of trustees everywhere study these crooks when they draw up the next outlandish pay package to lure the candidate of their dreams to campus.

Am I Too Early to Be Late?: A College President Grapples with the Issue of Time Management

Turning the pages of The Chronicle of Higher Education on a cold and icy winter’s day is a sure-fire way to make you forget the frozen tundra outside your door.

The Day-Before-Groundhog-Day edition of the Chronicle provides some much-needed comic relief in the form of sage advice from

Roger H. Hull, a former president of Beloit College and Union College (N.Y.), [who] offer[s] practical tips for college presidents on small things they could to increase their success in the job. Mr. Hull, who now runs a foundation for youth in Schenectady, N.Y., is the author of Lead or Leave: A Primer for College Presidents and Board Members.

Among other things, he [says]:

If you can stay for only part of an event, come at the end of it rather than leave early. Coming late signals you had another commitment, while leaving early says you’re not interested.

One wonders what suggestions former President Hull has for the overbooked administrator who is heading out the door early from a “commitment” in order to show up late at an “event.”

Am I too early to be late?

Artist's rendition of President Hull rushing off early from his commitment so that he can be late for his next event.

If you know the answer let me know and I’ll pass it on to Roger.

Mills College President Janet Holmgren Dogged by Controversy

One of the perks of working for a college president is that occasionally you get to rub shoulders with the rich and famous.  I, for example, once attended a Rose Garden swearing-in ceremony and met President Clinton, Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan and General Colin Powell.  It was thrilling.  Another time I sat inches away from Stevie Wonder as he belted out his greatest hits to a private audience of 100 or so. It was a toe-tapping good time.

Of course, such moments happen but once in a great while, and a lot of mundane stuff fills the in-between times.  If you have the good luck, or misfortune, to serve as the president’s executive assistant, in addition to the mundane you perform a dizzying variety of “other duties as assigned.” This can mean picking up presidential offspring at daycare, folding laundry, and taking trips to the car wash–all tasks assorted EA’s, all of the PhD’s, tell me they have undertaken.

Being an executive assistant does not require a doctoral degree (although it might help), but it does demand that the amanuensis have a high degree of stamina.  The president I worked for once asked me to leap out of his car at a tollbooth on the New Jersey Turnpike in order to retrieve his briefcase from the trunk, an act for which foolhardiness, or a death wish, as opposed to stamina, was requisite, I suppose.  One executive assistant I knew managed to combine foolhardiness with stamina in pursuit of her extra duties.  She and the president’s spouse took two-hour liquid lunch breaks, imbibing various spirits to fuel their gossip about college employees.  As you can imagine, this career move  earned the EA great respect from her colleagues. And a big raise from her boss.  Go figure.

Decisions, decisions...what's for lunch?

These days former Executive Assistant to the President Pamela Reid, late in service to retiring Mills College President Janet Holmgren, has a lot of time on her hands to figure out how she lost her job.  Poor Pamela.  One hot August day last summer her career in higher education went to the dogs.  Specifically, to President Holmgren’s dogs, a pack that included Chihuahua-terrier mix Holly. Holly sank her dainty fangs into a toothsome bit of Pam’s left ankle as the EA was attempting to ready the president’s house for a fund-raising event.  California law makes no bones about it: victims of snack-happy canines are to report the bite to animal control; Pamela did and that’s when things turned vicious.

Holly welcomes visitors to the president's house.

According to her wrongful-termination suit, filed in Alameda County Court, after she reported the injury, Ms. Reid soon went from top dog on the president’s staff to permanently ensconced resident in the dog house.  Says Ms. Reid, “I got nasty-grams.”  The torment continued for five months, until Ms. Reid was “laid-off.”  

You know as well as I that at age 62, Pamela Reid will have a hard time finding a new job.  In today’s market, not many employers will give an old dog even the opportunity to learn new tricks, so it’ll probably be a long time before Pam lands a new position, a dog’s age I would estimate.  Her suit may be “meritless,” as the college of course claims, but I can understand her dogged pursuit for justice.  She should know, though, that looking for compassion from a college president is really, really barking up the wrong tree.

Ms. Reid searches in vain to be treated fairly.

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Administer with Care

Every enterprise has its own in-jokes, I suppose. In academic circles, and by that I mean in ballrooms of tony convention hotels in Washington, San Francisco, Miami, or San Diego where porcine college presidents, vice presidents and deans gather for top-level meetings on issues of national importance. In academic circles you are guaranteed a chuckle or two of recognition from an audience of your peers if you make one or more of the following three jests:

• Leading the faculty is like herding cats
• A secret on campus is what you only tell to one person at a time
• Academic politics are vicious because the stakes are so low

I’ll pause for a moment while you wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes and the milk that shot out of nose from your chin. But I’m betting that you already knew that academic administrators, or “leaders,” as they prefer to be called, are a fun group.

Fun, but not exclusive. Oddly enough, in an organization that prides itself on thinning its faculty ranks through the gymnastics of the tenure process, packing the payroll with administrators is widely regarded internally as the mark of a successful, well, administration. If a leader is really, really committed to establishing the importance of his contributions to the campus, he (feminists, forgive me, but what I am talking about here is universally a male behavior) methodically begins building his empire by bulking up his troops with senior executive associate vice presidents, senior associate vice presidents, associate vice presidents, senior assistant vice presidents, assistant vice presidents, executive directors, directors, senior associate directors, and so on down the line until you reach coordinators and dog catchers.

Academic leaders sit in wonder at their latest creation, the 3-D organizational chart.

Needless to say, the addition of administrative expertise makes the institution stronger; after all, how could a college ever get along with just a “director” when it could hire an “associate vice president” or a “dean” to do the same job? Of course, along with the title change comes a significant change in salary (upwards) because after all you get what you pay for. Or, as a recently appointed vice president I had the all-too-brief pleasure of working with once said to a faculty that had lived for decades with below-market salaries, “people with my expertise don’t come cheap.”

With all this brain power, I deserve a couple of big paychecks.

Some experts have observed that academic administration, being the growth sector that it is, is a bright spot in our flagging economy, while others, the pessimists, have pointed out that

Between 1993 and 2007, the number of full-time administrators per 100 students at America’s leading universities grew by 39 percent, while the number of employees engaged in teaching, research or service only grew by 18 percent. Inflation-adjusted spending on administration per student increased by 61 percent during the same period, while instructional spending per student rose 39 percent.

As long as all spending trends are up, I suppose everything is hunky-dory, except for the cash-strapped moms and dads who are picking up the tab—and the faculty who are patiently waiting to stick their mitts in the cookie jar for the crumbs the vice presidents et al in their largesse leave behind.

A handful of campuses are bucking this trend. At Washington State University, for example, university President Elson S. Floyd, PhD recently informed his faculty and staff that he was implementing a “new organizational configuration [that] reduces the total number of vice presidents from nine to six.” Floyd continues: “I would expect budget savings of between $700,000 to $900,000 resulting from these actions, although the ultimate savings will depend on a number of personnel actions and salary adjustments, which will be determined going forward.” He concludes his announcement of the vice presidential holocaust by saying, “Streamlining the administrative leadership of WSU will require all of us to work smarter, harder and faster. I have no doubt that the WSU family is up to the task.”

For those of you whose first language is not academic administrativese, allow me to translate for you: the Washington State Legislature slashed the university’s budget, so the president had to find some quick savings. Thinking fast, he collapsed three vice presidencies into one, and eliminated a currently vacant vice president’s position. Right away we know there’s something just a little fishy about the claim of “eliminating” a position that, being unoccupied, is not costing the campus anything. The piscine aroma grows a little stronger when we read the part about “ultimate savings” having to “depend” on “personnel actions and salary adjustments”; in other words, it has yet to be determined just how big a piece of the savings pie the surviving VP’s will carve up for themselves, given that they now must work “smarter, harder and faster.” The reward for the rest of the campus—the WSU family—for also working “smarter, harder and faster” is the comforting knowledge that their president believes they are “up to the task.”

It’s one thing, of course, for a large state university to be awash in administrators, and maybe even justifiable, given the multiple mandates the public trust demands it fulfill. But what about liberal arts colleges? Must these beleaguered institutions also beef up the administrative ranks in order to remain competitive in today’s diverse, multicultural, gender-neutral global educational market?

Of course they do. Take the fictional Liberal Arts College USA in fictional Collegetown USA as a hypothetical example. At LCA the president found a nationally recognized expert to lead a newly created dean’s office. The charge to this dean was to put the faculty on notice that its educational rubrics, learning objectives and classroom outcomes needed to be assessable, because assessment is, you know, important. Woe to the faculty member who could not break down Finnegan’s Wake into learning units, assigning each unit precise learning parameters, and ensuring each student derived the same learning outcome from each unit. Sayonara to the professor who believes students should be encouraged to establish their own educational goals. The point here is, LCA has a new dean, and he is a nationally recognized expert. On what, nobody is quite sure.

The national expert ponders his reputation.

Sometimes hiring more administrators makes a lean-and-mean institution even more efficient, and nowhere has this been more true than in the president’s office at LCA, where a year ago the then-president replaced one staff member with three, and announced plans to hire a fourth. Of the four, one failed immediately at the task she was given but was kept on anyway; one was an equal-opportunity hire, whose qualifications were based on her cohabitational preference; and one was a unusually sane appointment. The fourth is still in limbo, but will be, when (and if) he arrives, LCA’s newest vice president. And you thought administrative bloat was just for state schools.

I got my job the old-fashioned way!

Things are looking up at LCA, however. Its trustees are a remarkably dedicated group of people who are continuing to deliver on their promise to steward the college wisely. Their collective judgment will untangle the threads of the crazy-quilt organizational chart that has grown and grown over the last few years. More power to them!

NOTE to readers: “Administrative Bloat at American Universities: The Real Reason for High Costs in Higher Education,” a just-released report from the Goldwater Institute, makes for interesting reading if you want to get a sense of how universities operate and spend money. The link is above, where I have quoted from the report. I also remind readers that universities and colleges may look alike, but they are not alike, and efforts to run one as if it were the other are doomed to fail. I have drawn on the Goldwater report to make a general point, and not to compare university practice with what goes on on a well-run college campus.

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Amy Bishop: Countdown to Court

A judge in Huntsville, Alabama set a trial date of March 19, 2012 for former biology professor Amy Bishop, whose colleagues in the biology department watched in terror as she gunned down three faculty members and severely wounded others in 2009. The motive, apparently, was Bishop's denial of tenure at the University of Alabama, Huntsville.
Trial Begins:March 19th, 2012
25 days to go.

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